Idols's looooong goodbye

I'm watching the final show on tape, so right now am 2 hours behind everyone else. It's a bizarre start--the two of them in white, standing there staring at each other. Ryan claims it's the closest competition ever, which isn't true, given that Ruben and Clay both overloaded the phone lines and thus were in a statistically tie.

97.5 million votes came in, says Ryan. Smashing the old record by over 23 million. 56% to 44% he says. Ah, Micalah is back, in Kansas City with David Cook's crowd; she looks good. Some guy is with David Archuleta's crowd, they're all crazy--and very white.

They bring back the top 12, with the You Think You Can Dance crowd. Everyone's in white; the two Davids are nowhere to be seen so far. Very odd camera choices, no close ups. How much you wanna bet they hype the Idol summer tour at the end of this....

I'm glad the season's over, since it feels like it's been going on forever; but I also think it was definitely better than last year's, and the right two people are standing here at the end.

The two of them come out to sing Wings of the Eagle, it's okay. The crowd is totally going crazy, screaming the entire time. Cook looks a bit tight, Archuleta is just floating on air. There's an embedded commercial for some white guru movie, starring Mike Myers. The whole thing is dumb, he shows up to give them 'advice'. Cook starts cracking up when Myers tries to shave him; shows up live on stage, it's just idiotic.

The crowd will cheer anything, apparently. His little thing goes on too long, it's just idiotic. Syesha comes back, sings Waiting For You--whoah, she looks different, more grown up in the course of a week. Seal is her singing partner--why?! The whole thing is dumb, although Syesha seems to be having a great time. Maybe this is like Katie Holmes growing up to marry Tom Cruise? It's very disjointed and they totally don't mesh, like they didn't practice enough.

Jason Castro does Hallelujah for the third time; it's still good, just not great anymore. I guess they're going to let everyone perform in backwards order. Castro is actually really good, a lot of emotion; and he's relaxed now. Wonder what Josiah's doing now.

They do a montage of the Ford commercials, with some outtakes or something; it's relatively entertaining. Hmm, they're standing there, looks like they both get new Fords--for some reason some people in the audience stand up, Ryan teases Archuleta, makes sure he has his license.

Six women doing Donna Summer songs--man, this is so bad, they look ridiculous in red and it's super-cheesy. Then--wow, Donna is literally walked down the stairs by two assistants, like she couldn't do it on her own. She looks plastic and stiff; her voice isn't bad, but the whole thing is so pointless, like she must have paid Idol a ton, otherwise why would they ever pick her? There's some dancer who looks vaguely like Ryan, so that's funny to watch. Man, she's singing another song, this is going on FOREVER. She gives her mike to Syesha at some point, which is cool; Syesha is having the best time, it's fun to watch.

There are all sorts of vaguely famous people in the audience, too bad I don't know any of them. Whoah, they sneak in a short commercial break; Ryan says the next two left before their time, it's Carly Smithson and Michael Johns singing The Letter. She looks scary, it's like she got a hate note or something; I don't like this, they're just powering it out, muddying it up. A total mess, it's all shouty and just not pleasant to listen to.

Ah, the plug for the Idol tour. Jimmy Kimmel comes out, a bit odd given that he's ABC's man. 19 weeks of karaoke singing, says Kimmel; he makes fun of everyone, it's actually weird given that he's not a member of the family and this has been such a celebratory thing. There's a funny segment of Simon's putdowns put to music; hmm, nothing about Ryan. What a weird thing, this show really has no interior logic.

Top six guys, hey it's a good song with Johns rocking the start--Summer of '69. Castro lets down his part; but everyone else totally rocks, it's really good actually, this is the best group sing of the year.

Then the two Davids come out and they shift to an off-key Cook doing Heaven; Archuleta is really good, though. And then--Bryan Adams! He's like totally subdued and cleaned-up; this is such a weird show. Why these particular people?! It's a total mishmash. I guess in some ways it's just an extended commercial for Idol Tours. Adams is up there for way too long, it's just pointless.

We're getting a lot of show tonight, the segments are super long. Back, with Jordin Sparks. Yaaay; oh no, it's to shill the Idol experience at Walt Disney World. Oh well, fun seeing her. Cook does Sharp Dressed Man, fronting ZZ Top. This is actually awesome, hilarious seeing him among the long beards. His voice can carry it too. Wonder if these guys have their beards insured, it's such a part of their identity. Seems like it's a stripped down version of the song for his benefit; he must be living his dream right now though.

Back to Kansas City, people are cheering. Crosby, Stills and Nash's Graham Nash, doing Teach Your Children with Brooke White. Why didn't Castro get to sing with anyone? The two of thme are pretty good together, her voice fits the song. It's a good performance, the best of the duets so far, by far.

Back, some boy band, maybe the Jonas Brothers or something, who knows. It's like a junior high version of the Beatles/Partridge Family. The song is just unmelodic, their performing is amusing to watch but that's about it. Everything is so mannered, and yeah--they're super white.

Ryan's up on stage with some totally random old lady plucked from the audience, complete with her matching red purse. They show some of the worst people from the auditions round. Somehow it's worse watching this with a live audience, you feel bad laughing in unision. They show the I Am Your Brother guy, cool. Should've been the remix version, though; and... they bring him out on stage!

Awesome! He comes out in his full outfit, he sings his song--and they bring in cheerleaders and a marching band. This is great, by tomorrow this song is going to be in everyone's head.

Oh my gosh, it's the USC songbirds and marching band! Only the best--then Paula comes out and totally does her crazy dance in her low-cut gown, with Randy too, before off they go to commercial. Wow; they may as well go off the air now, they will never top this moment!

Apologize, performed by One Republic. This really is like a madcap variety show; someone should remix it with old Ed Sullivan clips. Archuleta comes out to sing with them, it's okay; his parts are kind of shoehorned in, whereas Brooke was totally organic with Nash. SLC is cheering for Archuleta, his grandparents are there too. Hmm, they do something cool, interview both grandparents, translate it into Spanish for his mother's father, then back to english--just one question/answer, but yeah, this country is changing.

Jordin Sparks, doing One Step At a Time. She looks great in gold; such high heels, looks like she's stalking across stage on her tiptoes. It's totally impressive, actually. I'm enjoying her performance; she has the utmost confidence; yo, Blake Lewis is in the house, singing along.

They digitally splice Jack Black, Ben Stiller and some other idiot into a Gladys Knight and the Pips performance--it's not that funny, it's interesting that they chose three white guys; pretty disrespectful, actually, given that she's literally not in on the joke. Her voice is great, too. The audience is pretty quiet throughout, this thing just goes on too long. Ah, the other guy is Robert Downey Jr.

Carrie Underwood next, doing Last Night. She looks like a million bucks; but in a very white trash kind of way, like it's a aspirational interpretation of glamour that doesn't quite get it right. I like her though, she is who she is and has totally made her way to the top. Man, she has on a short skirt. It's an interesting song, it's like rap country. She gets a rapturous ovation; now that's a star.

Top twelve, for the last time before the results, promises Ryan. Hey, a great song, by the women first, I Gotta Have Faith. That Glockson chick sounds horrid, the rest are pretty good. Then the guys come out, man did George Michaels pay up too, it's Father Figure; everyone's pretty good, especially Chikezie and David Cook. And then they all do Freedom. Wonder if there's gonna be a Prince moment this year.

And then, George Michaels of course comes out--yo, Idol, it's no longer the 80s! He's actually still got a good voice, singing Do They Think We Have Time. Hey, there are people in the audience getting emotional over this--it's by far the best guest performance of the night, his record company got their money's worth. The song is long, and he keeps doing the same type of hand gestures, but the audience is enraptured, and he's really putting his all into it. He gets a standing ovation from the judges, and many in the audience; and coincidentally he's going on tour. That was pretty cool, it might be the only Idol guest performance ever that gets remembered on its merits.

We're back, the two Davids are standing there, I guess we'll find out now. I really have no idea who's going to win; based on recent results it should be David Cook, based on last night David Archuleta. Randy says you're both winners; Paula says she's honored to be here, it's the beginning of something great for both of you; Simon says it wasn't quite so clear-cut as he thought last night, says he was almost disrespectful with Cook and apologizes, you're both triers, first time ever don't care who wins. It's a very nice moment, actually.

Hmm, some unknown vote management company, Telescope. So the envelope, the lights go down; this is pretty exciting. People are screaming, and the winner by 12 million votes is... David Cook. Wow! Everyone's going crazy, Cook looks very serious in clapping for Archuleta, Cook is covering up his face in emotion, it's a very great moment. He's totally crying, it's amazing. He's really a good guy, I'm glad he won.

He's just listening to the applause, his mom comes up, he says it's amazing, thank you. They hug, his brother comes up too, it's a great moment. Time of My Life, David sings us out with everyone else on stage too. Song's not bad, amazing that he's able to sing after all the emotion; he goes over and toussles Archuleta's hair, it's great. Past some scary looking bodyguards, out into the audience, he looks so happy.

This is what I wrote about David Cook the first time he auditioned:

A bunch of rockers next, not necessarily all from Omaha. David Cook, who physically and the way he holds himself reminds me a bit more of Blake Lewis than Chris Daughtry. Sings Living on a Prayer; he has a really interesting, different voice; rough, but his cadence is so deliberate. Simon says not bad, Randy says perform or something, Paula agrees. He could do really well.

Here's what I wrote about him after his Hello performance

David Cook, who apparently has had some guitar issues. Moment was forgetting a song as a kid. In black; hey, I like it, a slow, rock version of Lionel Ritchie's Hello--then speeds it up, it's amazing, it actually works.... I really like it; the song itself is great, his take on it--including the screamed I Love You!--is true to it. This might be my favorite guy performance of the season so far, down to the eye flutter at the end. Randy says he loved the emo take on a pop song, it could be a hit; Paula loves him every time, calls it fabulous; Simon calls it very brave, and says he loved it.

And here is after he did Billie Jean

David Cook, born in 1982. Her mom seems cool, talks about his guitar. Oh gosh, doing Billie Jean... my gosh, he's nothing if not creative. Slows it waaaaay down, turns it into almost a ballad, emo. You know he's gonna rip into it in a sec, there's tension--it's actually quite good, he's letting it unspool as a story. Almost unrecognizable; her comes the chorus, it's good, he can really sing. Man, totally building the tension, and... interesting, he doesn't wail, just builds it louder and stronger. This is really, really good--this could totally be on the radio. The girls are screaming. Wow. Randy says you're the most original and bold contestant we've ever had, you might be the one to win the whole lot, blazing, molten hot. Paula says she's blown away, you're so smart and brave, right to the edge--you can win this. Simon says that was brave, it was amazing.

So a worthy winner; he had two of the five most memorable performances of the season, and really grew throughout the competition. Curious to see what he does from here on out--and now, freedom on Tuesday and Wednesday nights!