America's Idol

American Idol is back! Since I've watched all but a handful of episodes since the show debuted in 2002--last year I watched every episode but one--I can't wait to see how the show will continue to evolve.

It's changed a lot just in the last two years--as its ratings reached juggernaut proportions, it's become more professional-looking and the pool of contestant talent has risen markedly. And AI can now get pretty much any musical celebrity to come on the show (how are they gonna top Prince?! Michael Jackson?)

But there's also been the darker trend of the Simon-Paula and Simon-Ryan dynamic getting more obnoxious and mean-spirited, the commercial tie-ins getting more inane, and the producers putting the contestants through even more hoops.

Yet overall, it's one of the only shows--along with Amazing Race--that keeps topping itself every year. Due mostly to the interesting people they keep uncovering. Makes you wish there was an American Idol for other fields... like politics.

But enough of that--on with the show! Which, per always, I'm watching on tape.

My Gosh, the opening reminds you of just how big this show is--over 100 #1 CDs, Grammys, a Golden Globe (and probably Oscar)... and yet every network passed on it but FOX!

Seven cities for the auditions; over 100,000 people tried out. First off--Minneapolis. Jewel joins them as the celebrity judge; they mention Prince's name like 10 times in the intro segment. It's much more likely AI will be coming across the next Jewel than the next Prince.

First person they profile is Jessica, a make-over artist; she seems to have no star quality to me. But cries about how much this means to her. You can never tell....

Ugh; this fake deep cabaret voice. She may as well be singing Lady Marmalade, but it's some Jewel song--who oddly when asked for her reaction says she doesn't want to talk right now; you gotta say something if you're gonna be on the panel. Then Jessica begs, then cries; how come they can't start the season with someone good?! She tells her family she's sorry; makes me feel bad for her, but wonder if they feed her self-delusion. My gosh, this is like a 10-minute segment; why?!

Next, some 'urban Amish' guy, Troy, in a suit, hat and beard. Really, how many deluded self-centered white people are we going to see tonight? The guy says he has no tv, has never seen AI, doesn't know anything. He sings some idiot Broadway-ish song that he probably wrote himself. He tells the judges he doesn't think he's the best.

More bad people; all doing songs previous Idols have sung, but badly. Some black kid, Jesse, who rambles on as he speaks. Then he does the fake chick voice, which never works. Why don't people sing as themselves at least? He stops halfway through, runs off to get water, comes back in and without saying anything starts off where he stopped.

The judges abuse him for a while; hmm, this is really getting tiresome. Paula encourages him to sing some Michael Jackson. Then he gets into it with the judges; ugh. They show him complaining to the camera afterwards, some pretty catty comments. These segments are going on forever.

Some NYer dressed up as Apollo Creed, with crazy eyes. He's gonna sing in Italian; explains his dress before being asked (he's going to knock out his audition; and it's for his nieces who are in foster care). But you know what--he's not bad! Not so much in English, though. Simon complains it's disturbing they're taking this seriously with this weirdo who's singing opera. Everyone tries to open the wrong door on the way out.

Next, Denise Jackson--the first good person by the previews. Was born a crack baby; has a very intense look in her eyes, raised by her grandmother. Has a weird presence, bit trashy but big smile. Has a big raw voice; I'm Telling You from Dreamgirls. Kindof a tough pick, everyone has Hudson's version in their head. She's not easy to listen to, but there's something there. Simon says she did everything right--belted it out, says she has really good potential, likes her attitude. Seems to have good people around her. Not sure she'll get far in Hollywood round.

Even though I'm zipping past the commercials, they all look up-scale; must be paying a pretty penny. "First person in my whole family who made something of herself" says Jackson after the break. They go back to showing bad people, in a segment where everyone forgets their words; packaged as a fake appeal for help from the audience. Tashawn, wearing a tie, can't get past the first line; she has this air of craziness to her anyway.

They show her for like 3 minutes; it's just insane. I wonder how many people tuned in tonight to sample why this show was such a big hit last year, and are left concluding Americans really have no taste anymore? It's odd, you'd think Fox would want the season opener to actually be good, to grab you.

Next, some chick, Perla, who they say is gonna flirt her way there. She starts on Ryan.... Originally from Colombia; they profile her, and she has a decent speaking voice, so who knows. And is relatively attractive; but definitely comes across as annoying. Big smile; voice is a bit odd--or maybe it's just the Blondie song; but not bad, more husky than anything else. Does some Shakira for Randy--better. Randy agrees, there's something spunky, wild, crazy; Jewel says singing is mediocore, personality is good. Paula agrees Shakira version better; Simon says your accent is gonna be a problem. They send her through. As a novelty, I think; she'll be out early in Hollywood I think. They show her playing around afterwards, definitely interesting to watch.

Back, they show some people making it to Hollywood, but only their reaction, not their singing. More amateur hour, some kid in a cowboy hat. Seems okay, but I don't think he'll be able to sing, bit too odd. Doing some Johnny Cash--and he can't sing. Tone-deaf, no sense of anything. He complains about disrespect from Simon.

More bad guys; then, a guy from the Navy, Jarrod Fowler. Who I instantly like; holds himself well, seems genuine, and obviously is responsible. This'll be a good person for AI to promote; apparently the crew did their own version of AI on board the aircraft carrier, which he won. Auditions in his uniform, a lot of freedom talk.

He sings not bad--some parts are quite good. But afterwards he has an element of too much confidence for me, even if he seems like a nice guy. He goes on; don't think he'll go far in Hollywood. But who knows; maybe the sense of it all being stage managed will diminish. There's a fine line between using what you've got, and hitting people over the head with it.

Hour two. They show some more bad people. Some big girl pretending to be the Cowardly Lion--with a poster--leaves Simon incredulous. Then some idiot guy from NYC in a green t-shirt, who says he's a vocal teacher. He has a lotof confidence, and uses a pitch pipe. But is horrible--second half is in a totally higher pitch. Jewel nails it, a bit musical theater. Randy says you shouldn't be a vocal teacher, wouldn't tell anyone to take lessons from you. He fights back; Simon tries to egg him on, says Randy's being rude to you. Gosh, the back and forth goes on forever.

Michelle Steingis, a blonde teen who is a totally good example of your nice, cute Midwestern girl, maybe with a bit of an edge. She's not bad; has a good attitude. Simon didn't like the song, but says people will like her--confident but not obnoxious. She's through; she could be a Kellie Pickler-type.

More bad people, who all quit work to come in--none of them make it. Dayna Dooley, who already tried in California, tries again here after her boss flies her out. She seems totally put together, nice and confident, good back-and-forth with the judges. I really like her for some reason. Voice is okay, a bit forced; ugh, and hits some crazy notes. Bad choice of song, actually. Judges say they were pulling for her, but.... They tell her to bring in the boss, he says this is his favorite show, he says around the office they love her. She sings to the boss, and it's better.... He pushes for her, judges agonize, but no again. Afterwards thye psycho-analyze their exact relationship.

Some kid next, says his parents aren't supportive of him, costs too much. Matt Sato; hmm... a decent voice. Good choice, California Dreaming, slow version. Judges agree; Simon says you have something. He has a good smile. They encourage him, send him through. He calls his mom, she's totally astounded, he starts tearing up--awwww, what a nice kid, starts crying. Hmm, he could do really well, actually.

Interesting, MTV is now running ads during Idol. That shows you this show is really something, it's good enough for even the ultra-hip. Rachel Jenkins, who they profile--I'm assuming she'll be good, has good demeanor, works in her folks' auto shop. Down-to-earth woman, husband's in Iraq, she's in the Reserves. Hmm, is this gonna be a theme.... Wears her fatiques. Her voice is pretty good, a bit Katharine McPheeish, will do well on the ballads. A bit pitchy at times, stops before she's told to. Simon says you started well, ended poorly. They like her overall, send her through. I think she'll do okay in Hollywood.

Sarah Krueger, who I like instantly. Pretty, with Keri Russelish hair; and wow, a very good voice, even if she is doing Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Just has a warm quality to it, big, but nice. Simon likes her, she definitely has likability, and a a good attitude. So far the best I've seen; she could be top 12, just seems like a pro.

Back with some weirdo chick who says she's an AI fanatic. And some kid who dances and has weird sticks, which he twirls while singing, poorly. It's kindof mesmerizing, he's so bad you just want to oncentrate on something else. He's like in some sort of zone. Juggles for them at the end; Randy says he should go on America's Got Talent. He says he can dance too, they ask him to dance on the way out; but he stays there and does some odd Riverdance-type thing. Afterwards, starts swearing at the camera, is so mad; then starts crying big-time, has some serious issues, says he's never been so insulted in his life. 16 years old and I want to start out famous, he says; you'll be famous, don't worry says his mom.

Big fan girl goes in.... Crazy eyes as well. Long spiel about her obsession with Idol; then sings in a howling voice, it is truly painful to listen. She's insane. Funny thing is she knew how nuts the previous guy was, but apparently has no sense of self. She's nuts; says she has 10 years of training. Says she has a degree in vocal performance.

It makes me think about how we pour billions of dollars into our school system, yet so many people come out the other end deluded in so many ways. Maybe we should start teaching kids how to be aware, both about themselves, and the world around them. To listen more, sift evidence, keep emotion from wreaking havoc with their critical thinking skills.... Really, we should teach Buddhism; people are so self-centered they no longer have a grip on reality.

More bad people, all doing Prince in various ridiculous ways. I guess that was a requirement for this city; if he's watching, he's crying. Josh Flom next, who seems like a nice Midwestern guy, big smile, has cool parents. He hasn't even sung, and already I like him; says he's more of a rocker type. Hmmm; don't like the song he chose, Bad Day by Fuel. It's really throaty, hard to listen to. Ugh. Sing something else! Randy says it doesn't feel like you.... Simon says go out and do an Abba song, come back and sing it in 15 minutes.

Some other contestants help him with Dancing Queen. Oh-oh, he doesn't even know any Abba songs, not a good sing. And does this ridiculous rock version of it--his voice really isn't that bad, but it's just the same song. He makes me laugh out loud when he does Barry Manilow's Lola in the same vein. Simon says I actually like you, but stick with the rock band stuff. Afterwards Simon repeats I liked him, but.... Poor kid; too bad his parents didn't guide him a bit instead of just supporting him.

And that's it--from 10,000 only 17 made it through. Tomorrow is Seattle; looks like lotsof weirdos.

Malcolm Gladwell's Blink is about how you can draw pretty accurate conclusions from surprisingly thin slices of data--like predicting whether two people will get divorced just by watching them for a few minutes.

American Idol proves that most of the time, when it comes to musical talent all you need is a few seconds. It may simply be good editing, but you can tell just by the way someone holds themselves, how they answer questions; a big part of it is likeability and genuine confidence, neither or which generally nest with delusion.