Idol down home

Watching Idol 'live' for once. Am gonna miss zipping past commercials. They're in Charleston, South Carolina, over 10,000 people Ryan guesses. The guy who was first in line had to go take his wife to the hospital, on their anniversary no less.

So instead it's some idiot with an afro, he says people call him the black Clay Aiken; his first name is Ray, but he goes by Raysharde. If he just sang straight it'd be okay, as it he's over-the-top as Randy says and is bad. Next a chick from Pickler's hometown who seems a little nuts, no sense of humor--she sings in such a grim, loud, angry manner; scary person.

Two dorks who met on the Idol message boards. He totally can't sing, she even has to prompt his lines before she joins in, she's just as bad. Man, 15 minutes in and all idiots.

Two fat siblings acting all crazy and loud. Whoah! Michelle and Jeffrey Lampkin--they can sing, and they sound really good together, for all their acting like fools beforehand. It's pretty genuine too. Randy goes with the bro, not the sis; Paula and Simon put them both through. Everyone's laughing as they go shouting out, they're like forces of nature.

Back with the couple on their way to the hospital, they're lost it seems like. Back with more hostile people, all bad. Then some teen dance team chick, preaching abstinence. Randy and Simon start talking trash, she volunteers to give her spiel, and does. Amy Flynn; I think her voice is mediocore and overly-mannered for the most part, but she's attractive and evidently interesting to the judges. Paula likes her, Simon thinks the song is too big for her, she lectures him, he says a lot of people will find you annoying and arrogant, she's aghast; he puts her through anyway, Randy says she has a lot of potential. I totally find her annoying.

They end Day 1, and we've only seen 2 good people. Boy, what a horrible episode; back with the couple giving birth. London Weidburg, they try to make a sob story out of the fact that her dad died of cancer a few years ago and that she had to put her music on hold. Okay.... Also overly-mannered, she sings Billie Holiday but it doesn't flow, it's very deliberate, doesn't grab me. Randy likes her tone, kindof likes it; Paula says the tone's engaging; Simon thought it a good audition, but there are thousands of singers like you, nothing unique.

They show clips of the 12 others who made it through, everyone seems the same. Day 2 starts with Lyndsey Goodman, who flies giant C-17s for the Air Force. She'll be good, of course; they wouldn't show someone disgracing the uniform. Sings Black Velvet, perfect choice for her voice and look; very sincere. I like her; Randy says pretty good, Paula--who's totally serious this year!--worries about her nerves; Simon says cabaret, not contemporary enough. Ugh, they all say no--too bad, I'd have liked seeing her.

Followed by a huge-chested woman; Paula starts cracking up right away, Simon's trying not to. Oooh, she starts off well, then falls apart. Simon doesn't like her outfit or her voice; she argues with Simon, says it's amazing. She turns out to be totally crazy, keeps arguing with all of them. At the end Paula says she's married? Poor husband.

Another deluded fool, this time with a horrible, crazy voice. He tells them the show is fake and rigged; Simon says he's rude and deluded, he says he's not. He stalks out as they're still talking. He's just talking trash about them to the camera, his talent is too big for the competition, then oddly says 'Thanks for the opportunity' at the end.

Yeah, I'm declaring this the worst audition city, ever. Totally pointless show tonight. The baby couple comes back for the third time--and they bring their day-old baby to the audition?! No way.... Oliver Highman; hmmm, he can sing, has a nice, mellow, sincere tone. It's not great, but kindof interesting. Simon cuts him off, way over the top; Paula says it's a nice voice, but not for us. He brings in the baby; congrats all around--Paula wants to change her mind....

Ryan says 23 people made it out; good thing we saw 3! Next up, for some reason, is Omaha.

Michelle and Jeffrey Lampkin, fat siblings
Amy Flynn, no sex
London Weidburg, no dad