American Idol's prom king

Ah, the last American Idol of the season... so sad in some ways, yet it's probably gone on just about enough. Carrie Underwood comes out singing to open the show. Then Taylor in a white suit joins her. The Katherine, all in white too, completes the picture. Ah--to more screaming the rest of the top 12 come out, everyone's in white. It's like a preview of the concert tour. Just some 'Up With People' type song, we made it through being the chorus. And then the opening credits roll.

And out comes Ryan, everyone's cleared off the stage. Ben Stiller and Heather Locklear are in the audience, together. 200 million watching worldwide, Ryan says. They run clips of Randyisms, mostly dude, throughout the year. All spiffed up in a suit. String of Paula's emotional moments are shown, she's in nice gown. Funny clips of Simon touching himself, looking fit in a suit. Taylor's supporters are going nuts in Birmingham, the twins who were cut early host shrilly. Kat's supporters, much less rabit and smaller in Universal City, CA with Tamara from season one.

Paris next, they pick the pro to kick things off, sings a bit, then out comes Al Jarreau to do a duet with her. She skats a little too, it's smooth and easy--she's totally ready for the big-time. Ryan says that was Paris singing with her idol; then Chris sings with Live. He totally fits in, is like mirror image of the lead singer. So this is how they're gonna fill two hours... it's enjoyable listening to Chris, but not super-compelling. Crowd loves it.

Kellie Pickler and her sassy new short hair cut hangs out with Wolfgang Puck. She's hilarious, tries on his glasses, he says you look smart, she says maybe now people will take me seriously. They bring out escargot, she says she doesn't think she can eat it, says it's creepy, doesn't wanna eat it. She pretends to eat it, says hmmm, he forces it into her mouth, she spits it out; this is like classically funny. He can't say her hometown's name, Albermarle.

Meatloaf joins--Katharine?! Crazy, doing It's All Coming Back to Me Now. Who'd have thought this. He's so emotional to start, almost like a parody, shaking and trembling. She comes out in black, this is so weird. She looks horrible, all in black, he's doing all this stagey stuff with her, it's like bad opera. He's even singing in this fake deep voice, it's a train wreck. So bizarre, they're not even in synch or on key, like something you'd see on public access, late at night. She's not what you'd call a classy gal.

Back with some strange routine where Ryan's complaining about never winning an award, they're gonna give themselves the Golden Idol. Brought to you by Coca-Cola and Ford, of course. This is gonna be stupid; it's all making fun of people, worst clips show come back. It's mean-spirited and totally a waste of time. The worst male vocalist, Dave Hoover, actually is there, runs out on stage barefoot, screaming and yelling. It's pathetic and an example of how bad this show can be when it's feeling its oats.

Back with more Puck n' Pickler. They put a whole live lobster right next to her, she jumps onto the floor, it's hilarious. He's just teasing her. She's poking at it with a fork, this is so funny. It's by far the best part of the show. The five non-Taylor guys come out and do some stupid group song; Taking Care of Business. It's actually not bad in spots, Chris and Bucky are good. Out comes Taylor halfway through, playing his harmonica, big man on campus. He actually does take over, effortlessly. This is pretty good after all; Ace is totally ridiculous, as is Kevin; Elliott's okay, but Chris/Bucky are good, and Taylor rocks. Ace is really bad. Crowd is going nuts. They segue into Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow, which brings it all back down again. Then they work the crowd, ugh. Okay, this song is bad for everyone.

Back, and believe it or not there's a Ford commercial... with clips and outtakes from the season's other commercials, Taylor/Katharine just sit in the car and laugh. Thye give them both keys to a new Mustang, sheesh. Are excited but not so much so. Go back to stupid Golden Idols thing, this time it's proudest family moment. Elliott's mom, Katharine's dad, Chris' wife--she should 'win'. This is stupid, they're gonna say one moment is better than the others? And they pick Elliott's mom, give her a trophy, it's so ridiculous. He asks her to introduce Elliott, tells her to say Ladies and Gentlemen, Elliott Yamin... she, no dummy, takes mike and says Ladies and Gentlemen, my Elliott Yamin. So American.

He's singing One Love, it's okay; whoah, then Mary J. Blige comes out to sing with him. Where's Paris?! She's not discernibly better than Paris, actually. She's wailing actually, kindof not good. Back, Carrie Underwood, ugh. She's not very good. Another award, Randy Jackson award for public speaking, to that crazy cursing girl. It's a staged segment, stupid.

Taylor back, doing In the Ghetto--with Toni Braxton. He's not at all outof his element, it's not bad. Back, girls in all back; doing Man, I Feel Like a Woman; then Bad to the Bone, and some other stuff, it's not any good. Except when you-know-who takes the lead; Lisa Tucker's good too, they have a fun little duet together. Katharine has to assert herself to stay out front. Overall all it's pretty forced, not so entertaining. Lisa actually really stands out; best moment is Paris on You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman.

Next award is Best Impersonation, it's so painful. More Kellie and Wolfgagn! The 'winner', so-called Clay Aiken look-alike shows up on stage, clueless as always--he sings ridiculously bad, coming out behind him is real Clay Aiken, the guy's like why's everyone cheering, and is totally in shock and jumping around when a very-different looking Clay comes out to sing with him. It's actually pretty funny; like they do this nutty duet. He keeps saying oh my god, Clay after a while kindof ignores him, does his own thing. It's quite entertaining.

I hate to say it, but am actually enjoying this crazy two-hour thing--there's this weird mix of awful, tone-deaf stuff and truly entertaining content. Sortof like the show itself. Bert Baccarat, plays piano, Taylor then Katharine sing What the World Needs know. Then stupid Ace, don't remember him being this bad, it's like he's gone through a nervous breakdown and is put back together, but slightly off. Chick who was first of 12 to be axed sings with him, truly painful moment. Kellie next, looking and singing very 70ish; that would've been her time, everyone was discovering calamari and sushi together then. Her voice if a little thin for what she's singing. Bucky does Raindrops are Dropping on My Head, it's not bad. Mandisa belts out something, then Lisa against the piano does a quiet and nice slower number. Elliott next, both of them would be perfect in cabaret-like settings, he's doing a House is not a Home. Where are Peter, Paul and Mary?! They should do a folksong night next year; or Dylan.

Show's starting to drag a later, they need to liven it up. Kevin does a ridiculous What's New Pussycat, so the opposite of Tom Jones, it's pathetic. Look is totally wrong, tone isn't the worst but it's not believable. Chris comes out, kindof gives him a little tap, takes over; Ace and Kevie flank him, but may as well be oohing and aahing. Paris sings Why Do Birds Suddenly Appear. Everyone else is there to do backup. She introduces Dionne Warwick, who gets big applause. Such a bizarre collection of pretty good singers, but from other eras. Like a Time Life commercial.

Pacing is so uneven, it's totally a grab bag. Warwick sings a rendition of That's What Friends Are For that has everyone screaming in recognition, Taylor and Katharine join, then the others. Yeah, it's like a motely prom, they're pushing all the emotional buttons, sometimes it connects sometimes not, no flow to the evening, very disjointed and leaves you jittery.

Best Male Bonding--Ace and Chris's big hug; Ryan and Taylor's joint floor dance; and the cowboys mock trailer, which actually I liked. Man, I hope they bring these guys out. And yay, they come out--and sing! This is great. And you know, they're quite good. Doing Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys.

Ryan says no more surprise guest stars... results portion. Crazy chick dancers, then--oh my god! It's Prince! Holy holy cow! That is so unbelievable! I mean, this show is so crazy, people are going crazy. It's so entertaining and fun to listen to; he's such a natural performer. Man, if he can come on the show, there's no end to who they can get--there literally is nobody too big for this show, Prince has given it his stamp of approval. It's like a real performance too, he does two song, neither of which pander to the crowd. My gosh.

Taylor comes out singing Time of My Life; then Katharine. Words are very appropriate for both of them. It's a pretty good performace, they both seem totally happy, do a bit of dancing. Now Ryan... 63.4 million votes were cast, it's crazy. He says it's more than any president has ever received; well, generally in presidential elections you can't vote more than once. Bring out some accountant, hands the results to Ryan, and it's....

Taylor Hicks. Of course! His hometown crowd is totally going crazy, he's bent over in emotion for a few seconds, it's a nice moment. He screams out Soul Patrol at the end.

And another season's over. Pretty darn good... they have stuff to improve on, but overall, my favorite television show. It's a long way from January, can barely remember back that far. But I think the 'right' person won, in the sense of someone who gets the fans excited.

Can't wait for year six. Still can't believe Prince sang.