A real race

They're painting this as hippies vs. Joseph and Monica. Perth, Australia. Frats off first, 11:47 p.m. To Swan Bells tower, bells given by England for Aussie bicentennial. 11:48, MoJo off, yammering about the hippies. Four of them work as a team. 11:56, hippies off. And everyone's all bunched up, and they lie to the hippies--no cabs for them. They get one right away; 12:34--R/Y going. They get lucky, grab a cab that's dropping other people off. Duh, place opens at 8 a.m. Monica gets hit on in front of an unhappy Joseph. Hippies strategize how to point out to Jo that Eric's been flirting with Monica....

Ray does something smart, gets a cab for the next morning; then hippies, then frats; then they cancel the hippies' taxi, and then they cancel Ray's cab. Hippies first, then R/Y, gotta go to Darwin, Australia. Joseph throw hippies out of their cab. Frats can't find theirs, either. Ray finds out somebody canceled their cabs. They blame MoJo. Ray's not happy, at all, he may beat them up. Hippies get a cab; R/Y finally get in a cab, the second one they called; the frats can't get one, bad karma I guess; Eric says that himself. Heh-heh.

Frats get a cab at the hotel, off to the airport. JoMo talk more about how much they hate the hippies. Ray's rippin on Monica, calls her a barbie doll. Monica says she'll give the reservation clerk a kiss, if he doesn't tell anyone else. Hippies confront them about cab, weridly enough they don't deny it. Frats show up, say they never denied it. Hippies say rumor going around that Monica/Eric getting close.

Everyone's on the same flight to Darwin, travel guy never gets his kiss. Hippies get visitor info, then 3rd in cars, R/Y are last. Crocodylus park, not open until 9 a.m. Joseph's not very happy, listening to people talking about his chick. They have to get into suits to go into croc cage, get tips from guides. Monica's freaked. Hippies get their clue, off they go. Gotta drive to Batchelor, find an airfield, Yield ahead....

MoJo out next. Frats 4rd, R/Y as always are bringing up the rear. Everyone gets out and are traveling convoy-style. MoJo just blasts past them. Skydiving sign.... Hippies are ready to run. It's gonna be a foot race, hipies take a shortcut, and yield MoJo. Roadblock, somebody's gotta skydive outof plane. Monica all upset about being there first. Frats yield nobody, nor do R/Y. Monica obsesses over losing the footrace, and they snipe at each other. She starts crying.

BJ up first. Then Eric in another plane, then Ray in a third. Monica's still crying. BJ jumps, loves it. Jeremy starts flirting with Yolanda. Hippies off to national park, need to find magnetic termite mounds and search for cluebox. They say bye to MoJo on their way out; the time's already run out, they're still bickering and still waiting. Ray comes down, off they go. Hippies at park already, start looking for cluebox, find it pretty quickly.

Detour: Wet--swim 1-mile course down jungle river with spiders and poisonous plants; or Dry--6-mile off-road drive, to 'Lost City', must find nearby aboriginal who matches the pattern on their instrument. Hippies do swim. Monica's having a blast coming down.

Frats at mounds, find it quickly, choose wet. R/Y find cluebox fast, doing dry. Hippies show up on course, they seem to be having fun doing it. Frats not far behind, race behind them. JoMo ask for directions to termite fields, Monica's saying they're doomed. I hope they lose here, I could see them in the finals doing whatever it takes to sabotage hippies, even if it means screwing themselves over.

Back, Monica's going off on hippies, says yielding them was sleazy, that's eactly how hippies are. And if MoJo had gotten there first.... They find cluebox fast, off to dry. R/Y find their instrument; first guy, they don't match. Hippies swimming, amonst the spiders. It's taking hippies forever, they say. R/Y match with second guy, Ray can't make the tone at first. But then gets it, pretty quickly; it's her turn, she's laughing. This is pretty cool, actually; she gest it quickly too. Off to Lake Bennett, freshwater lake--and pit stop. Or it might continue, not sure of timing of sweeps.

And they nearly run into MoJo on the way back. Meanwhile, hippies are still swimming, frats are wooried too. And they're nearly up to the hippies. R/Y say they know exactly where they're going. MoJo doing their task already! Hmm, what's with the editing.... And they're done quickly, in second. Hippies finally at cluebox, in 3rd but think they're winning. Frats right behind them. Hippies are out a few minutes faster, at most.

R/Y finish--first! Guy with whips welcomes them. And they're totally happy. R/Y are totally happy, winning solves everything. MoJo on dirt track; they say their map has resort on it, the other maps don't. Hippies ask frats, not ambulance driver--and MoJo pull out, right behind hippies, who are behind frats. Wow, another footrace here.

And Joseph gives them the finger, which they blur out. Wow, this is exciting. Everyone's bunched up, driving as fast as they can. Hippies park at the end, and Monica's last, by quite a bit, one hippy for some reason takes a shortcut which doesn't work out for him, MoJo beats him! It's a non-elim leg, again! And MoJo are not happy, after gloating a few minutes ago. And Monica goes off on the hippies.

Off to Thailand next. MoJo freak out, it looks like.

Photo of Ray and Yolanda from CBS.