Deciding how you die

Last Rites, Tailored to Immigrant Customs

Karin Brulliard in the Post: As immigrants have transformed the way of life in the Washington region and across the nation, they also have influenced the way of death, adding customs to long-standing traditions. In recent decades, many cemeteries and mortuaries -- whose directors are mostly white -- have adapted services for a diversifying clientele, designing special burial sections, providing rooms for Muslims and others to wash the deceased and allowing mourners to participate in cremation, as Hindus and Buddhists often request.

"This is what people want: to observe their customs," said Robert M. Fells of the International Cemetery and Funeral Association. "If you say, on the one hand, 'What are you talking about?' or worse, 'We don't do that,' you're not serving the needs of the public. . . . That's not acceptable anymore."

Anymore? When was it acceptable?

It's an interesting article; odd though how it makes it seem like suddenly funeral homes are having to learn the customs of 'immigrants', when for one thing the body of the piece talks about second and third generation Americans.

Further, it'd be nice to have had some historical perspective--funeral home directors at one point had to learn about Jewish practices, Italian practices, Irish practices; this is just the latest in a long chain.

And the photo they highlight in the online version, above, is ridiculous; it underscores the tone of the piece, which is white funeral directors are now accepting 'other' funeral practices. Although the article ends with examples of customs that funeral directors still refuse to accommodate.

It makes me wonder, as always, why white Americans are so comfortable portraying themselves as the arbiters--even extending to death?

Oh well... as Mohamed Magid, an imam, says, it soon may not matter what white funeral directors think:

"At the end of the day, it's business," he said. "If they don't accept us, I'm not going to send people to them."

Religious leaders say that although their communities are grateful for adaptations, some immigrants would prefer to run their own cemeteries and funeral homes.

One Northern Virginia group, the All Muslim Association of America, already does. About a decade ago, members bought a $36,000, five-acre parcel in Stafford County for a Muslim cemetery. There, graves point east, plots are free and burials always happen quickly, volunteer S. Javed said.

Gupta, the Hindu priest, said his temple hopes to build a center that would include a library, education center and funeral home.

Photo of Amrong Chey making a request of Bryan Allison, an apprentice at Fairfax Memorial Fund Home, by Jahi Chikwendiu of the Washington Post.