Girls not dolls

Adopted in China, Seeking Identity in America

Lynette Clemetson in the Times: ... Since 1991, when China loosened its adoption laws to address a growing number of children abandoned because of a national one-child policy, American families have adopted more than 55,000 Chinese children, almost all girls. Most of the children are younger than 10, and an organized subculture has developed around them, complete with play groups, tours of China and online support groups.

Molly and Qiu Meng represent the leading edge of this coming-of-age population, adopted just after the laws changed and long before such placements became popular, even fashionable.

Molly was among 61 Chinese children adopted by Americans in 1991, and Qiu Meng was one of 206 adopted the next year, when the law was fully put into effect. Last year, more than 7,900 children were adopted from China. ...

Jane Brown, a social worker and adoptive parent who conducts workshops for adopted children and their families, says the families should directly confront issues of loss and rejection, which the children often face when they begin to understand the social and gender politics that caused their families in China to abandon them.

Ms. Brown also recommends that transracial adoptive families address American attitudes on race early, consistently and head on.

"Sometimes parents want to celebrate, even exoticize, their child's culture, without really dealing with race," said Ms. Brown, 52, who is white and who has adopted children from Korea and China.

"It is one thing to dress children up in cute Chinese dresses, but the children need real contact with Asian-Americans, not just waiters in restaurants on Chinese New Year. And they need real validation about the racial issues they experience."

I think if you need to read a newspaper article to learn that dressing up your kid from China in 'Chinese dresses' and introducing them to waiters in Chinese restaurants isn't an adequate path, your kid's in big trouble.

The article's actually pretty inadequate; it glosses over the big issues of white families adopting Chinese kids, makes it seem like you can outsource your kid's cultural identity, just drop them off at a camp or two. There's a reason why black social workers pressured the system in the 70s to stop placing black kids with white families. Are white parents in any way prepared to raise an Asian American kid? How much of a responsibility do they have to impart their kid with the cultural armor necessary to survive in what's still a racist society? What are the implications for our relationship with China? Are these kids better off in orphanages among their own, if their adoptive parents wanna just raise them white?

Oddly, the article never mentions learning Chinese--maybe in conjunction with your son or daughter?! Watching Chinese films, reading Chinese literature, learning Chinese history--yeah, hard stuff, not just dropping them off to learn some Chinese dances or something.

And maybe even adopting the Asian American form of parenting... you don't want your kid, after all, to be the only Asian American kid who can't do math.

Photo of from the left Hope Goodrich, Celena Kopinski, Mei Lan Fogarty and Qiu Meng Fogarty, all adopted from China by American families, by Jennifer A. Altman for the Times.