Smashing Oscar

Started watching at home a bit after 10 pm.

They perform the noisy It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp, which has no chance of winning best song. Since this is the Oscars, it makes sense to me that the songs that tend to win in this category may not be the ones that would win were this the Grammys, or some MTV awards show. This song is in no ways a movie song--it's unpleasant to listen to, besides of course being unmelodic.

Followed by Queen Latifa, to present the award--Dolly Parton's Travelin' Through and music from Crash. Wow, Hard Out Here wins--which is insane, makes no sense whatsover. The still-uptown audience titters at the decidedly downtown, and bleeped, acceptence 'speech.' And Jon Stewart just laughs as two worlds crash, makes a Yitzhak Perlman joke, and actually in an astute comment says how come they were the most excited people here tonight, that's the way to win an Oscar.

They run another of those funny mock-political-attack ads for sound editing; then Jennifer Garnder presents, comes out and trips, almost falls out of her peach sparkly gown. King Kong wins; I think I picked them in my office pool, but really, who knows. Acceptance speech is rushed, guys are nervous and obviously not Hollywood. But content is good, thank sound guy on original King Kong.

Next George Clooney--who earlier in winning Supporting Actor gave a stupid boy, we in Hollywood are smart and are more socially progressive and astute than others speech. Forgot to add assuming you don't understand anything about politics and the real world.

He introduces the death reel... only in Hollywood comese accompanied by applause, appreciative I guess, but turns it into an odd posthumous popularity contest. Not sure how it's ordered, maybe chronologically by death date. It's nice they include technical people, not just the big names. Ismail Merchant doesn't get much applause, odd. Robert Wise does, Richard Pryor too, they end with him.

Will Smith presents best foreign language film, a natural choice. He's actually smart, I like him; although his intro is stupid, mocks other languages. Hmm, film from Palestine is introduced as 'From the Palestinian territories.' Tsotsi from South Africa wins, it's gotten a lot of buzz, of course it's directed by a white guy. He's cool though, obviously very passionate, demands cameras show the film's young black co-stars.

Stewart is getting more comfortable as the show goes on. Radiant Ziyi Zhang presents film editing award, classic black dress. Crash wins. Winner is cool, wishes dad happy birthday first, very sincere man. He thanks his girlfriend, his son, and dedicates trophy to a friend who died last year.

Hilary Swank, in sleek black like so many others. She gives nonsensical intro to leading actor. I think Joaquin Phoenix should win, but picked Philip Seymour Hoffman; who wins. He seems nervous, shields eyes from lights, kindof strings a bunch of things together. Nice moment, says his mom's here, if you see her tonight tell her congratulations, cause she brought up four kids alone, talks about her--we're here tonight, and it's so good.

Stewart singles out orchestra, nice move. Next is cinematography, presented by John Travolta; I picked Brokeback. Hmm, Memoirs of a Geisha wins, interesting. British guy thanks Sony for being brave enough to make this movie--uh, based on a runaway bestseller, not exactly going out on a limb.

Next is best actress, presented by Jamie Foxx. I picked Reese Witherspoon, she looks pale and nervous in the audience. But wins, nice classic cream/beaded gown. She mentions Johnny Cash and June Carter first; doesn't seem at all Hollywood, seems out of breath; thanks Phoenix too. Can see why she's a good actress, emotes well; thanks her parents, very emotionally. Nicely done.

Really, main reason why I'm watching is to see if Ang Lee wins for Brokeback. It'd be historic. He's a good director--not great, but at least tries to do different things. Plays the game well, if he wins maybe he'll feel like he doesn't have to anymore.

ABC has aired some of the worst promos I've ever seen--alternately sappy or stupid, at least two of them bow to FOX's American Idol. By contrast I like the M. Night Shyamalan commercials for American Express.

Dustin Hoffman to award best adapted screenplay, should be Brokeback easily. Kindof nerdy, odd moment when he gets audience to clap for everybody who didn't win. When they announce the nominees, you can't even hear what the screenplays were based on, crowd just starts applauding, Hollywood is not a culture that values books. Brokeback win, Larry McMurtry comes up--nice to see a literary figure get recognition. His co-worker hogs the mike, makes her 'statement.' Ang Lee looks serene in the audience. Larry spends his time thanking her, dumb. Then his son and grandson, lawyers, and booksellers of the world--interesting line at the end, we mustn't lose the culture of the book. And Hollywood applauds. Yo--you don't value a culture when you see it as a means to an end.

Uma Thurman in satiny peach gown for best original screenplay, Crash should win easily, although I'd vote for Syriana based on what I know. Crash does win. Paul Haggis mentions his mom, then Bertolt Brecht--hmm, interesting quote, "art is not a mirror held up to reality, but a hammer with which to shape it". He thanks people who take big risks in their daily lives who take big risks when there aren't cameras there or people to applaud. Nice speech, he seems like a neat guy.

Next is Tom Hanks, best director. He gets right to it, no jokes given that all five projects were serious. I picked Ang Lee, for the social significance. And he does win, which is great. He thanks the characters from the movie first. Is nervous and fast; audience is kindof blank-looking. He mentions his dad; mom; then, everyone in Taiwan, Hong Kong, and China, thank you, all of you in Mandarin. That's cool.

Jack Nicholson in his too cool for school voice. Let's see if he crashes the spotlight. Screws up reading the nominees, too slow. And it goes to Crash, in a huge surprise. Ugh; I picked Brokeback in the pool. Oh well, most of the Academy lives in L.A., the movie's about them so in their narrow world it's the biggest thing going. Level of joy in the audience I doubt would've been there for Brokeback. Interesting.

I like Haggis though based on his speech, so why not. MSNBC.com gets it up first, by a lot, everyone else is still like three awards behind, ridiculous. Odd, Haggis doesn't speak and Cathy Schulman is drowned out, that's pretty disrespectful for supposedly the night's biggest award, apparently nothing is sacred anymore. Instead they shove more commercials in for two minutes. Cut a second late back to Stewart, who just says good night. Then they run another three minutes of credits and then more commercials.

Boy, television--and movies--sure aren't what they used to be.

Photo of Ang Lee via Oscars website.